The Solution is Available Outside the Old Mindset


We have this ongoing social problem labelled ‘domestic violence’. Our response is like that old story of the man searching under a street light for his lost keys. Someone comes to help and after a time of both of them searching, he asks, ‘are you sure you lost your keys here, as we have searched everywhere’. The man points to the darkness and replies, ‘I lost them out there, but the light is better here.’

Keep reading if you want to address the whole picture, and if you want to benefit and grow personally, no matter what your relationship or profession, and want to discover how change can happen quickly in communities through informed connection and becoming activated.

When people develop within their own community, they become the influencers for government and social change. We need to stop being passive and saying that it is someone else’s problem, waiting and blaming, and start connecting and being active in our own life, before we change the world or our own community! We can’t change the world or community if we’re not willing to look at our own life without saying, ‘this doesn’t involve me, or there is nothing I need to know here.’

People want to stay under the street light, because it feels more simple, clear, contained, less personal, and less impactful. “Let’s make gender equality happen, stop homelessness, create awareness campaigns and increase pay and positions of power for women”. All these responses are bandaids despite being valuable strategies. These attempts are piecemeal and superficial and offer global, generalised solutions. They don’t look at relationship abuse through the personal lens of the specific details, yet we’re talking about a personal and individual experience: which involves personal choices and beliefs which either protect us, keep us passive, or harm us or others.

When you have trust in your skills and resources, your body provides the instinct to take the necessary steps to develop A Better Way and negotiate the hole/whole, in your personal or professional world.

We are social creatures, and our friendships, family, partner and workplaces all benefit from A Better Way. If we think of a relationship continuum, abuse is at one end and as you progress down, there is toxic behaviour, conflicts and then love and acceptance at the other end. We need to get personal or we can’t address the social.

We can’t fix an old problem with the old mindset. There are 3 core problems which are not being addressed by the current conversation and action. Within each problem lies the solution. When each area can come out of the dark ages and darkness, and no longer be seen as ‘far away’ and foreign to consider, lies the solution.

“Every woman I have spoken with who escaped abuse, always had early warning signs which became buried in their unconscious - due to conflicting feelings, beliefs and threats to their wellbeing. It was only on becoming safe and receiving support to trust her body and inner sensings that what was known in the unconscious could surface and be known consciously”.

We have been taught that the unconscious is ‘woo woo’ and unscientific, yet marketing agencies, elite sportspeople and con men take full advantage of the unconscious. We are not modelled how to be with our mind, body and unconscious. What we don’t have the skills to be with becomes buried. We are not taught how to prevent, intervene or heal from abuse, yet there is a practical and effective way based on working with the unconscious and the body. After all, abuse is based on denial and delusions of entitlement. It relies on manipulating someone’s unconscious, their perceptions, beliefs and feelings. Abuse is often hidden, deceptive and a manipulation of reality, so people don’t know what to believe or trust. We rely too much on ‘black and white’ proof which is dangerous when abuse happens behind closed doors. This social gap leads people (personally and professionally) to either stay silent or unintentionally say, do or assess the ‘wrong’ thing.

People have lost connection to their body and unconscious, and so are manipulated by the mind and environment. We have lost the natural art of being human: embodied and connected to our mind, body, unconscious, instinct and soul - our whole being. Instinct and soul are not valued in our modern society which values left brain qualities. Read three articles to understand why this approach is important and how it addresses the gaps in our current culture and why gender equality is not the solution: Feminine Principle Hemispherectomy, Feminine Speaker Approach and New Voices and Answers.

When people have internal conflicting beliefs and don’t know how to notice or respond to them, clarity of response becomes buried in the unconscious and people remain vulnerable to dominant responses irrespective if they are the best response. We have been shaped to listen to others as our reference point and deny our own intelligence and perspective. People remain unconscious without mind body skills to connect between their own conscious and unconscious knowings, and how to negotiate the involuntary responses of overwhelm, stress, trauma, conflicting beliefs and involuntary defences.

When involuntary responses are involved we know the unconscious is involved. Unconscious bias can not be addressed without a response which assists every individual to reconnect to their unconscious. If leaders and professionals are not doing this in their personal lives, how they can model and implement this in their professional roles? If families do not have access to their unconscious how they can respond to that sense that something is not quite right - they are susceptible to the environment around them instead of trusting their instinct.

Abuse occurs to 1 in 3 women, and so in every group there are likely to be people with past or current experiences of abuse, and most probably unresolved trauma that is indirectly or directly shaping what they see and how they act. Most professionals do not receive adequate training about trauma and abuse. It is all surface level, yet trauma and abuse is deep and has many involuntary aspects.

Individuals are not shown how to respond to involuntary stress and trauma responses beyond will power, positive or rational thinking, all of which are overridden by the involuntary stress or trauma responses.

There are practical and easy ways of activating the brain body system out of the stress/trauma response so there are more options to hear and respond, in prevention, intervention and healing. We all benefit from understanding and having the tools to respond to our own mind body system when under stress or trauma, because no matter what we will experience in our life we won’t necessarily some type of stress or trauma, when we realise that trauma is any experience when we feel overwhelmed.

Most women do not realise they have a unique female stress response which is activated under stress and is influenced by their hormones, shaping their choices and behaviours, or how to engage with this involuntary response for their benefit.

People who use abuse choose not to contain themselves, and they live in a society which minimises what they do and does not contain them. We teach children to live with the consequences but we either turn a blind eye or excuse adults… because we don’t have access to key 1 and 2 we lack emotional muscle to have uncomfortable conversations and the courage to go outside of our comfort zone, and explore our whole self or take risks with others. We mislabel abuse or toxic behaviour all the time. We don’t want to address abuse because it will bring clarity about what we tolerate in our own lives. Whether it it is abuse, or toxic or conflictual - it is all damaging. Read When toxic and conflict relationships get confused with abuse blog to know the difference between them.

No one wants to see how they are tolerating toxic or abuse in their own personal or professional lives. People outside of abuse, walk on eggshells so as not to get on the wrong side of people, including family and professionals. The victim/survivor and person using abuse are a reflection of the shadow in our family, community and systems. We are missing family, community and professional emotional muscle to have the uncomfortable but necessary conversations. The thing is that having these conversations when we have developed keys 1 and 2 mean that our connections have increased intimacy and positive outcomes.

This is particularly important when we look at the research which shows women speak to their friends, family and neighbours 76% of the time and only contact domestic violence and other agencies 16% of the time. Addressing the first two keys will enable people to become activated in their own brain body system and in their connections with others. These steps increase empathy, self care and connection and create the capacity to have uncomfortable conversations and explore choices and reach out for support. We build healthy communities which is useful not just for domestic violence, but for mental illness, addiction and other life traumas.

Our Services


A coordinated and holistic framework which goes beyond common knowledge for Survivors, Community and Professionals for Prevention, Intervention and Healing.

Through:

  • talks,
  • workshops,
  • retreats,
  • books,
  • blogs,
  • Activating Self Love online membership site for women,
  • Education about Domestic Violence and Moving On, online courses for professionals, community and survivors,
  • Big Hearted Woman online and offline program to become a volunteer ‘support sister’
  • Women Starting Again face to face group for women survivors and
  • Women Supporting Women group for women who want to be educated for prevention, or for guidance to assist someone who is trapped.

Activating Artemis


Our Vision


A community and world in which each individual is connected to their whole brain, body, unconscious, instinct and soul.

Each person feels the strength, power and activation of their emotional muscle, because it is motivated and informed by their mind body resources and capacities, along with belonging to a community of people who celebrate, model and teach living whole heartedly and in whole brain and body.

Each person is comfortable to learn about their hidden self because we all have one, and to engage in talking about the elephant in the room with those they love or work with.

Each person has learnt the missing mind body life skills about love, stress, conflict, relationships and abuse, which we didn’t receive growing up, as taught in the online program Education about Domestic Violence and Moving On or has attended a retreat with Activating Artemis to learn these life skills.

Each person is active in giving and receiving in their own community, and have undertaken the Education about Domestic Violence and Moving On course or retreat, and for some period of time have become a Big Hearted volunteer and is a ‘support person’ or participates at a working bee in their local community for women who are still recovering or going through court after escaping abuse.

Each person feels they are powerful and knows that just as others affect them, they too affect others. Each person desires and realises how valuable and powerful they are in creating and collaborating healthy communication and relationships within their own family, friendship group, community, school and workplace.

This process happening within individuals creates a ripple effect of a healthy, thriving, aware, active, social community and culture. We can’t wait like passive children for our parents to address what they could not do, or project that on to those in power to create the way. The way begins today. Now. With you and me reclaiming our accessible, personal power. Activating Artemis within each of us, whether we are male or female. When the feminine within is valued, the masculine within can mobilise action, direction and protect and support the inner feminine.


Who Is Artemis?


Artemis is a goddess from Greek mythology. She is the protector of the vulnerable, the protector of women and children. She is what I didn’t experience growing up. She is aligned with nature and instinct. In not having this, I knew what was the opposite and what my children needed. Over time, I found my way to protect them and myself.

Initially I couldn’t internalise Artemis for myself. I had not experienced someone outside of me modelling Artemis for me: wanting the best for me, protecting me and teaching me how to keep myself safe and be with my vulnerable self. I was not valuable for being me. Though I was valuable to keep my daughters alive.

I had been taught to be pleasing and walk on eggshells, rather than offend or challenge someone. I didn’t exist in someone else’s eyes. I was not important to another. I existed only for my children, for their lives - not mine. Me beyond ‘mother' didn’t exist for anyone. My children did not see me for all of who I was. I was ‘mother'. It was not their task to reflect me. I needed to reflect them so they could be mirrored and accepted, to take their place of belonging in the world. I could not receive what I needed from them. Above all, as children, and even as adults … we want to belong and not be rejected, so we follow powerful verbal and non verbal rules.

After close to 6 years with the Wolf, I reached a point of no more. My girls were older and in their eyes was mirrored back the fear of the Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood being swallowed up. I could see in their eyes what was not mirrored back to me as a child. The madness, the fear, helplessness and abuse. My reality had not being acknowledged, but in my girls eyes I could see the reality. I found the fierceness of Artemis to protect my daughters. It was fighting for their safety and well being as my healthy anger began to speak. Gradually I started to protect myself and have permission for my healthy anger for me too.

Artemis is capable - a huntress - she takes for herself and protects the vulnerable, motivated by heart and care. She is there for herself as well as for all women and girls. She is known to be complete, ‘She Who Is Unto Herself'. She does not sacrifice herself to be loved. She makes her own rules by her living truth. She embodies what women have been robbed of: being feminine and powerful. Being wild and close to nature. Living and listening to her instinctual self. Capable and independent, with the ability for closeness and independence. Free. She is a significant part of what Patriarchy has crushed in women’s ability to be with their whole self and shapes what some men expect or allow.

From the ravages of relationship abuse, I am here to help women find their way from their vulnerability to their instinct, healthy anger, and build emotional muscle to stay true to their reality and power. I am here to teach our community, community workers and professionals how they can be part of Activating Artemis within each of us, creating a conscious community with zero tolerance for relationship abuse.


What Activating Artemis stands for:


Activating Artemis represents:

  • activation of our awareness of the ‘little’ and its importance
  • activation of our instinct and body
  • activation of our connection between our conscious and unconscious
  • activation of our connection with our courage and emotional muscle
  • activation of how to switch off the stress response and engage with our defence system
  • activation of attunement to our vulnerability and appropriate action
  • activation of our self soothing, self healing
  • activation of our soul care and connection
  • activation of capable conversations, even when they are uncomfortable
  • activation of our response-ability to those who are overwhelmed or in trauma
  • activation of our capacity to negotiate the relational experience from attunement, mis-attunement back to re-attunement
  • activation of our embodied connection to those we love, or who we have some professional or social responsibility for
  • activation of the love secrets our parents didn’t teach us
  • activation of our capacity to be different and not fit in
  • activation of acceptance of self and others

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